Your Dad is Actually a WASTEMAN

I am not a mean person and do not like being rude to strangers. It is not often I talk about the random strangers of London who like to chat crap to the ladies, but today's dude really stood out. In the worst way possible.

So today my mother, sister and I went on a shopping trip hitting up north and east London - all by bus, might I add (LONG!). We get on this single decker bus that travels the back streets from Walthamstow to Ilford through Leytonstone. It is essentially a granny bus. So this man gets on the bus with, who I assume, is his son and sits his nasty butt right next to me, whereas his 'son' sat in front. I did not pay much attention, until I felt stares. Bear in mind he is literally squashed right up against my arm due to the tiny bus, and yet he still wants to stare. Side way glance stare. And I feel them. I feel them all. So I sat stern faced and try and ignore his stares through his pinstripe glasses. Let me take you through this with bullet points; with his nonsense, my replies and my actual thoughts, because it is the most effective way:

• He leers: "You should smile, and not be so serious!" I say: "Hmmm". I think: "Shut up muther chucker, my face is like this because I don't want your old ass perving and talking to me"


• He says: "whats your name?" I say: "Rachel" I think: "Here we go. Oh shizz, why did I say that?! I should have said a fake name!"


• He says: "Rachel? What a strange name for a oriental girl. I've never met a Chinese girl called Rachel." I say: "Hmm" I think: "Yawn. Same old, Same Old. Change the record, better still. Shut up."


• He says: "Are you Malaysian?/ Are you from that country...urrmm whats it called, you know that country that got bombed...that country bombed by America..." (I am not making this up) I say: "What Vietnam? No I'm from China" *lie: not really from China* I think: "WTF! ARE YOU DUMB!!! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW YOU ARE A FOOL! you are actually a wasteMAN!!!"


• He says: "Oh, I've never been with a Chinese girl before. You will like me" I say: "No thanks" I think: "Well you are not being with this one mate. Move before I puke all over you. I am not a mascot."


• He says: "Is that you sister/is that your mum". I say: "Yes that is my sister and YES THAT IS MY MUM" I think: "You make me sick. My mum is RIGHT there and you are still trying it."


• He says: "What month are you born in?" I say: "May" (lie again!)


• He says: "May? That's the same as my baby mother! I like girls from May." I think: "WTF! Did you seriously just drop that line?!?!PUKE PUKE AND PUKE"


• He says: "That's my son by the way, Andre." I think: "You are not serious. I thought that was your son, but after you making moves I thought no it can't be! You can't be trying to chat up girls WHILST YOUR GROWN ASS TEENAGE SON IS RIGHT THERE! Do you not feel shame you fool!"


• He says: "What do you do?" I say: "I'm studying my A-Levels *lie*" He says: "Really? I thought you was older!" I say: "No, No A-levels" He says: "Are you sure? I thought it was O-LEVELS" I think: "OMG! How old are you? O-Levels!??!?! REALLY!! That changed to A-Levels how long ago now?! More to the point, Why are you still trying it with me. You know I am "doing A-Levels." This makes me at least 16-17. You pervert. I am the same age as your son, who clearly has a wasteman of a dad."


• He says: "So can I have your number?" I say: "No, I don't give my number out"


• He says: "You don't know what you are missing out on. I'm really big in London. I own a club!" I think: "PAHHAHAHAH!!! Please don't make me laugh at those bait lines! Biggest thing in London?! PLEASE! You are not serious, who the hell falls for that bait line?! Club? Mate! What club! If you are so big and own a club what are you doing on this any bus! Where is the car bruv! Why are you wearing some ankle swinging jeans, white socks and some chunky ass fresh shoes?!You not big in any part of London mate!"

I think that is the gist of it. What a fool. I was so shocked at all the lines - I did not think that people actually spoke such crap and think that people will fall for it. PURE LIES and clearly NO SHAME. How can you seriously act so waste in front of your son?! And the icing on the cake? When his son got of the bus he said "SAFE" and spudded his own son. This is your SON. You don't SPUD your kids. You don't say "SAFE" to your boy, he is your CHILD, not friend. Biggest wasteman out there.