Does my bum look big in this? Great!

So I have to write 16 random things about myself. Hmmm, OK.

1. I have red hair.
2. I am willing to spend a lot of money on cosmetics but got my payback when I spent £35 on Dermalogica facewash and it gave me a rash.
3. I can be SO ditzy sometimes...well a lot actually..an example..when my politics teacher convinced me that penguins could vote in Iceland. Twice.
4. Last summer I was an extra in the movie How to lose friends and alienate people with Megan Fox (who isn't very nice) and Simon Pegg (who is).
5. I have a phobia of particular words and can't bear to hear them.
6. I am addicted to Perezhilton.com. Even though I don't really like him.
7. The most expensive thing I have ever bought are my True Religion jeans.
8. I have have spent half of my life trying to talk rach out of buying stuff.
9. I really like Britney Spears and wish I were going to her concert.
10. I am an obsessive baker and if something I cook doesn't go right, I insist on making it again and again until it does.
11. I'm the one all my friends come to when they need help/advice.
12. Sometimes I only do stuff so I have good facts to write in the contributers page when I write for Glamour.
13. I really want to eat this wood pigeon that lives in my garden. He watches me through the window (he's here now) and he looks so fat and delicious. I've named him Eric and one day...I will get him.
14. I love Karl Lagerfield. My favourite quote is, "I'm sorry, you've got to tell this woman that she needs to be taken away. Her smell is not possible"
15. I can't eat breakfast in the morning because the thought of food makes me feel sick. Unless it's cake...
16. I wish I had that Chanel 2.55 bag.

OK. Now my actual post is about - these:


I want to pretend that isn't me, but it is. Sigh. Anyway, these are Butt Pants. Well, that's what I call them anyway. I read this and remembered them. I found them in Bloomingdales in New York last summer, and I just had to try them on, for humour's sake. Apparently they are for people with no bum...who...want to have a bum. This is what they look like under clothes:

What I want to know is this. Surely you buy these because you want to attract someone right? Imagine this scene: you meet this guy, and he loves your nice, full, strangely squashy bum. And you start going out and you always have to make sure you wear your Butt Pants because he would notice if you didn't. And then you know one day you take him home...and you're having a good time (wink wink) until he looks down, and there is a bum on the floor. I'm thinking, not a good situation.

Also, it feels like walking with a cushion strapped to your bum, or kind of like half of your bum is numb...it's strange. But what do you think? Want them?